Letting trust be my guide
It’s fascinating how the Universe has it’s way of taking you where you need to be. Less than two weeks ago, I was living in my luxury apartment in downtown Bend. Today I am free floating on the island of Kauai in my 98’ Subaru. I don’t know where I’ll be a year from now; what I do know is that the only constant in life is change.
It has been a hot minute since I have posted, primarily due to an inner and outer transformation I have been undergoing in the last month. It has been hectic, beautiful, and spontaneous. I had a difficult time trying to write out my experience while in the midst of it; I truthfully didn’t know what to make of everything.
I have been rather inspired since arriving on the island; not only from the picturesque beaches and scenery, but also because of the inexplicable energy here that fuels my creativity. This means you’ll gradually be seeing more content from me!
It is my intention to share my ever growing journey with you as to stay connected to the collective, but also as a creative outlet for me to contemplate on the pathways I have chosen to take. So that is the purpose of today’s article: to update you, as well as to jot down some reflections on this previous phase of my life.
I could go into depth on the logistics of why my boyfriend, Stuey, and I chose to up and leave Bend. The details would probably bore you to death, so I won’t subject you to that. To break it down, there were 3 simple reasons:
- Our landlord gave us a 30 day notice (we were on a short term lease)
- We felt ready for a change in scenery
- There’s no better place to live on a budget than the islands- believe it or not
So, us being rather spontaneous and intuitive people, set out to make the move. We decided we were ready to leave within two weeks. We got rid of a bunch of our belongings, put the rest in a storage unit, sold our trusty steed, bought our tickets, and before we knew it, we were on the beach in 80 degree weather.
There were certainly external events that drove us to leave the mainland but the main influence was the inner transformation I previously mentioned. Another topic I could write a book about but here’s the summary:
Ever since living on the Oregon Coast and Big Island, I have had an inner knowing that I belong by the Ocean. The beach has and always will be a release for me; a safe haven, if you will.
Ironically, the Universe guided me to a mountain town in Central Oregon about a year ago. Bend is without a doubt one of the most beautiful places I have been to. It is also my birth town, so I may or may not be biased. My summer there was filled with high desert adventure, floating down the river, growing hemp. It was awesome.
As winter kicked in, the mountain parks started closing and I was limited to my adventures because of the snow (I owned a 2008 Chevy Impala- not ideal). I found myself spending more and more time inside, avoiding the icy roads and having to put 3 jackets on before walking out the door. I admit, I am somewhat of a baby when it comes to the cold.
This was challenging for me, as I didn’t have the ocean to escape to and I usually prefer to be outside. Although it didn’t feel right at the time, in retrospect, I know that it was.
Separating myself from a release as powerful as the ocean required me to start looking inward for my healing. Instead of relying on nature, I had to explore the deepest depths of my soul to find comfort. Granted, it was messy. There were suppressed emotions that I hadn’t dealt with for years including lingering grief from the death of my mom, feelings of abandonment from both my parents, and underlying limiting thoughts that have prevented me from my highest potential.
I am being transparent about this experience because I have come to realize that this is an inevitable aspect of life. Everyone has a “shadow self” as well as programs that separate us from our highest being. It is positive to acknowledge this, as it is the first step toward inner growth. Even the most revered spiritual teachers, including Jesus, Buddha, and Terrence Mckenna have had periods of deep reflection in order to ascend to their highest consciousness.
I must say, after looking so deep within, I have come out of it with more understanding than ever. It’s as though the periodical darkness drove me to my limits, pushed me out of my comfort zone, and led me to appreciate the light more than ever. After mending some wounds, I have been focusing on the parts of me that are well polished, and divine.
As far as for what’s to come, I feel happily intoxicated with all the possibilities. I have a vision, but for the most part, I am simply waking up everyday and trusting. Trusting in the Universe, that it’ll provide all of the perfect opportunities. Trusting that abundance is running toward me. But mostly trusting myself, and my ability to bring my desires into reality.
If you are pushing through the roughs or aren’t feeling aligned with your surroundings, do not forget that divine order has you there for a reason. If you were in constant paradise, you wouldn’t feel the need to look deep within, and assess the parts of you that require recognition and healing. I promise though, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. When you do find it, it’ll be one of the most vibrant lights you’ve ever seen.
I can’t wait to share more of my journey with you as I continue to pursue my passions and soak up the Aloha energy. I am going to have much more time and resources to create powerful content that will inspire you on your journey, as you attract confidence, strength, contentment, health, and abundance in your life.
I always love to hear from you! As I grow Rooted Health & Healing, I will always consider it a community and place of support and inspiration. That’s going to take more than just my voice, so I am open to collaborations, ideas, or even just transformative conversations. I hope you have a beautiful week and know that you are divine.